Welp, it has been a while I thought I was done with this, but here I am.  Last night was a wild and very fun night.  It started with me at work, then I played some golf with my dad.  After that i watched my chances of winning my dad's office pool fade away with the loss of OSU to Georgia Tech, afterwards I headed on up to Lawrence.  When I got up there either people were at work or what not so I watched 2 episodes of Smallville which is always a great start to the night.  Then me KC and BP (Brandon Petz) headed out to Jazz Haus which was abnormally crowded so we ended up going outside to sit and chill, after being outside for about 15 minutes 2 guys come storming out seemingly ready to fight, so I being in the middle, back up out of the way.  I notice that one of the guys pulls out a switchblade and starts threatening to cut and gut the guy.  His "opponent" was talking about how he knew Tae Kwon Do.  So I pulled oblivious KC back and then ended up going and telling one of the doormen to call the cops and then witnessed Tae Kwon Do boy kick Knife boy in the face causing him to drop it and run off.  Soon after we headed over to Last Call where I ended up having Melissa meet me up there.  So we drank some red bulls and vodkas with cranberry then went back and watched a movie.  For a very enjoyable night on the town.

Lyric of the Day comes from Kutless "Passion"  (Chritian Rock Band)

Nail pierced hands they run with blood
A splitting brow forced by the thorns
His face is writhing with the pain yet it's comforting to me

And in my heart I know that you're the only one
Who could of came and died, a sacrifice
As your God's only son

(better song than u may expect)

Welp, I'm not going to take the semester off, I dropped my accounting course and am going to be taking less hours, but I always tell people that I'm a man, and that is what i'm going to do here, I'm going to be a man and stick it out.  Apart from school, I'm sort of being recruited by the Judo club to join there team, and I figure... why not, I like the instructor a lot and that is what matters most to me when doing a martial art.  I'm also thinking about taking up something with more striking emphasis, I was looking for a boxing or kickboxing gym around here, but haven't found one.  I do have a very messed up jaw so maybe it isn't smart but hey, what would you expect from me.  If I want to teach people self-defense then I need to have a lot in my arsenal.  The 11 year old girl that was kid napped and killed just recently has made me more focused on this goal, I don't plan on this being my career, just an extra part.  For a little while I've been a little interested in getting a tattoo, I have two ideas, but there are reasons for me not to get each.  One would be the Superman tattoo, but I'm small and weak, so unless that changes I won't get that one.  The other would be the Gracie Barra symbol, but I'm not that good at Jiu Jitsu yet so maybe in 5 years.  I've written a lot so I'll save some for later.  To all of my friends who may be worried about me, I'm here to say don't be, I'm tough and I'm fine

For the Lyric of The Day From 12 Stones "In My Head"

I'm reaching out without a sound
My pride falls to the floor again
Inside my mind I search to find
A place just to call my own

Well I've been home today, after two straight nights of not being able to get to sleep.  I came home to talk about some serious stuff with my parents, since winter break and even more so recently since I've decided I probably want to major in Psychology or do something with sales, I've decided with my parents approval and support to take this semester off of school, look to get a job with a company as a salesman, and take this time to find where I want to go to school next year because myself along with my parents have not been impressed with KU as a school for me nor my brother.  I will go back to school, and I'm going to use this time to actually do a lot of productive things, like research, and studying.  I may even see if Coach House needs help with the swim team, to keep myself busy.  This isn't something that makes me happy, I wish I didn't feel like this was the best direction for me to take, but I feel that taking the classes that I was set in wasn't going to do me much good.  I got distracted by GI Jane, and am just going to end this now.  I'll add more thoughts later.

Lyric of The Day, by 12 Stones "The Way I Feel"

The world I know is pulling me
More and more each day
I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray
Spiteful eyes are watching me
With everything I do
In the midst of darkness Lord
My spirit calls for you

Haven't made any of these in forever and why bother now except I need to get some thoughts out for myself.  Well about 2 days ago I played poker with 6 other people, made it to the final two, heads up poker, and was down, he had about 60 dollars I had about 10, came back handedly and completely destroyed him to win 70 bucks.  Well that is the one good thing that has happened in my life in probably a very long time.

Welp, I have never felt more lost in my life.  I have no clue where my life is going right now and I'm worried because it doesn't seem to be going in the direction I feel it should be.  I'm discovering that I'm not an intelligent human being, on one hand I have my sister who is a 4.0 student and is all these things and then here is me and I have got to be the black sheep of the family.  I have never been less enthusiastic about going back to school next week, because i feel like the classes I am currently in are going to continue to send me down a career that I am a failure at.  I feel like this semester is just going to be a waste of my fathers money because I have no idea what I should do in life.  My only real passion right now is trying to keep people safe.  I wouldn't mind being a cop, but that might not be best for my family.  All of this is and of course more, is why I am awake right now.  While I was playing golf on my vacation to Orlando, which i wasn't able to enjoy because there was too much on my mind and I am depressed.  Anyway, while playing golf, if you can call it that because I was horrible, my horribleness helped me realize that, I suck at everything I've ever tried and I've failed at everything I've ever had a passion for.  I was able to make my entire swimming career pointless by swimming horribly everytime it counted.  I have never succeeded at any of the sports I've played even though at one point i considered myself a pretty good athlete.  I suck at relationships.  I suck at school and could be called a complete idiot.  In fact the only thing I feel I am is an honest caring person who tries to do the right thing and be a nice guy who is always there for anyone who needs me.  Unfortunately I don't receive honesty and respect from some of the people I would like to have it from.

Lyric, Shinedown "In Memory"

Some of the ugliest things took the longest time to make
And some of the easiest habits are the hardest one's to break
And I'm not asking for value nor the pain but I am asking
For a way out of this lie

Because I can't wait for you to catch up with me
And I can't live in the past and drown myself in memories

Okay, soooo dizzy.  I was lifting weights and started to get dizzy early, continued lifting through it, and after 30 minutes or so i decided it would be smart to quit.  So went to take a shower and didn't know if i was going to throw up or pass out, did neither.  Still dizzy but working through it.  Went to church today, had Christmas Eve festivities with the extended family, and all my family all agreed that something was different and didn't feel quite normal.  Was still a good time.  I got a bunch of Cologne samples from my grandma and a sweater so i guess i will hopefully be smelling good.  I'm deciding to look at life with the advice of 12 Stones and i think it is some good advice.  For the quote of the Day...  i was going to go with Maroon 5 song, but since it is Christmas i shall go with one of my Favorite Christmas Songs, version i like is by Amy Grant "Grown Up Christmas List"

So here's my life-long wish,
My grown-up Christmas list.
Not for myself,
But for a world in need.

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up Christmas list.